SFPolyGoth is a list that exists for SF Bay-area polyamorous people in the gothic/industrial, fetish/BDSM, and related scenes. Consider it a self-selecting group (currently containing 185 people). A polyamorous sci-fi convention-going geekfreak, rockabilly scooterfreak, or possibly even ambient & trance dancefreak, might or might not feel at home, but a mainstream non-freak almost certainly will not and is unlikely to be welcomed, though you won’t be denied participation on the list, unless you prove to be disruptive.
Note that the SFPolyGoth list is actually hosted by Freak Nation’s sister site, GothPunk.com(Munity) – mail to and from this list will have the address SFPolyGoth@GothPunk.com, not ...@freaknation.com.
If you are not certain what polyamory is, see http://www.polyamory.org for more information. If you aren’t sure what the goth, industrial, BDSM and fetish scenes are about, see http://www.sfgoth.com for more information. If you need to look up either of those Web sites, however, you should probably not join this list!
The purpose of the list is to provide an e-forum for discussion of polyamory, polyfidelity and other forms of open relationships, especially within and/or in relation to our social scene(s), to act as a safe refuge in which to seek advice from other polyfreaks, and for announcements of relevant events such as parties, or relevant news. The list is especially geared to those in or around the San Francisco Bay area in California, and will be of little interest to those not living here or planning to live here. The list should be considered a conversational common space, a proto-community. Off-topic discussions should be tolerated to an extent, but if people ask you to take the discussion elsewhere, please honor such requests. Remember that we are here to share our experiences and make friends, not argue ourselves blue in the face or piss people off.
The list has a few simple rules:
- No flaming – vigorous debate is fine, but keep ad hominem insults to personal mail at worst, to yourself at best. This rule also covers trolling and flamebaiting. Use of this list is a privilege not a right. “Online stalking” behavior, threats, or other serious antagonism will not be tolerated.
- The list is closed to anti-polyamorous people (or those antagonistic to goths, BDSM players, etc.) If you disagree with these lifestyle choices, do not join this list. Hostile posts in this vein will simply get you immediately removed from the list. You are welcome to join us if you are uncertain where you stand on these matters, and should feel free to ask questions and to respectfully disagree and move on if you don’t like the answers.
- The list does not permit spamming, nor personals ads or “wannafucks”. There are lots of sites that cater to personal ads; use them if you want to. Asking people for dates or other liasons should be conducted via personal mail. The list is open to directly relevant ads or announcements, and to flirting banter, of course. Spammers are are hereby forbidden to subscribe to this mailing list and to use it for spamming or address harvesting, and any attempt to do so will constitute an illegal attempt at unauthorized access under state and federal computer crime statutes. The spamming moratorium is also extended to chain letters of any kind, and to forwards of net.humor (such as jokes or top-ten lists you got in your e-mail) unless directly relevant to the topics of the list.
- The list is private. This means that it may not be archived by anyone for any non-personal or public-use purpose. All posts to this list that do not explicitly state that they may be redistributed must be considered private. No posts without such a notice may be reposted, republished or excerpted from elsewhere (including other polyamory or goth/freak forums) without direct permission from the poster, nor attributed to the original poster by name or e-mail address without further explicit permission. The polyamorous lifestyle choice, like bi- or homosexuality, is a touchy issue, personally and socially, for many people. Do not “out” someone publicly, and respect people’s privacy and reasons (spoken or unspoken) for wanting it. List archiving bots and services are hereby forbidden to subscribe to this mailing list, and any attempt to do so will constitute an illegal attempt at unauthorized access under state and federal computer crime statutes.
- The list is lightly moderated. The moderator’s address is missmogg@wwc ( (DOT!) ) see-oh-em. If you have a problem with a troublesome poster, please feel free to attempt to address the problem yourself. Failing that, you can ask the moderator to take action. Posts do not have to be pre-approved by the moderator (i.e. this is not a “heavy moderation” list). The moderator is present to simply act as a controlled benevolent dictator of sorts whose job is to kick out spammers and trolls. A demand by more than 50% of list members to have someone removed from the list will cause such a removal even if the moderator disagrees. A similar demand to reinstate someone will trump the moderator’s judgement. This situation will probably never arise, but it is built in to provide a baseline level of democracy should it be needed.
- Please do not Cc messages to this list and any other person or list (or put them all in the To header), as any replies are likely to go to all parties including the list, even if they come from non-subscribers. Instead, use Bcc, or send the copies in separate messages.
(This charter may be revised at any time by a 50%+ vote of list participants or a decision of the moderator.)
If you are a member of the list, and your copy of the charter is old, you can retrieve a new (and possibly updated) copy by sending to majordomo@GothPunk.com the following message BODY (not Subject line):
The posting address for subscribers is sfpolygoth@GothPunk.com. Should posts from non-subscribers become a problem, the list will be modified to block any post from a non-subscriber.